Holy Crap What an App
I was perusing the pages of Facebook for people who prefer to live their love life as a secondary when I caught a strange scent. “Is that a waft of change?” I asked myself.
An aside: A secondary is an individual who is not the primary love of one’s life. They are an addition to an existing relationship in which the two original members are called the primaries. I realize this technically makes them tertiary but I’m not making up the vocabulary. I am a mere fly on the wall journalist, seeing the world and buzzing about it so others can fly too. The role of a secondary can be equated to the role of a best friend with benefits in some cases. More on secondaries in posts to come.
Lo and behold, a fan page appeared before my eyes. A fan page dedicated to an application targeted at people in “complicated situations.”
Relationships+ promised to wipe away the pain of not being able to adequately describe real- life relationships on the Info page, although its name is reminiscent of a foul-tasting diet soda product with vitamin additives and a motor oil that prevents against thermal breakdown.
Intrigued, I decided to conduct an experiment with my own Facebook page, throwing my normal concern for my privacy aside in the name of research.
I clicked the blue button.
Little did I know whether this app would illuminate a path to endless possibility, or lead me on a spiraling descent into the ninth circle of male-enhancement advertisements.
When my screen refreshed, the view from my keyboard was that of a triumphant cornucopia of self-identification. Almost all the relationship-describing phrases I could think of lay before me.
I doubted that this app would be allowed to change the core content of a Facebook Page. Facebook blocks code that attempts to change the core display properties. Furthermore, the term “no strings sex” probably falls under the prohibited content section in the developer’s forum. The relevant section says,
“You must not promote, or provide content (including any advertising content) referencing, facilitating, containing or using, the following:
- Adult content, including nudity, sexual terms and/or images of people in positions or activities that are excessively suggestive or sexual. “
Nevertheless, I wanted to see what this puppy could do, so I changed my relationship status to one of my own specifications: ”hopelessly in love with inanimate objects rarely used outside the single digit hours of the morning.” (I’m talking about my coffee pot, you perv.)
I clicked on the update button to save my selection…and hello white screen of nothingness. I tapped my f5 key to refresh my screen at least six times. But the only thing that happened was a big flaccid fail.
Implications of an app like this:
Talking about sex. A lot of people who grow up outside of the SF bay, and I’m speaking from the viewpoint of a person who spent a lot of time in Texas’ education system here, are not comfortable with discussing non traditional relationship structures. Having more than one mate is commonly perceived as sinful, irresponsible, and selfish, unless you’re a man. And then you’re merely succumbing to your monotheistic deity endorsed, natural inclination to spread your seed. Pfff.
Another option on the Facebook info page could initiate discussions about how our identities are shaped by the society in which we live. Why is sexual identity something that needs to be repressed? What is it about sexuality that disturbs people? Why oppress those who don’t suppress? A click of a box doesn’t equate to running down halls of your building screaming, “I want to have sex right now!”
This little box could be the cusp of a sexual revolution for women, beyond birth control. Men have been extolled for indulging in multiple partners for quite some time, and yet polyandry, when a women takes many husbands, is rarely discussed. A simple click of a box could generate so many conversations, as well as metrics on how many polyamorous feminists exist. Talk about making my journalistic life easier.
Redundant social platforms. Letting an app like this roam free in the FB sphere no doubt inspires fear in the eyes of those who would keep Facebook desirable for companies that do more than just represent bands. Facebook’s main value add is its clean design.
If Facebook allowed this app, it could degrade the platform to the level of Myspace, the place for creepsters on the prowl for wank fodder. It’s gotten so bad that the word Myspace is now an adjective used to describe particularly salacious profile photos. You know the type. It’s the photo of a scantily-clad someone cocking their head at an un natural angle with their lips pursed in a bathroom.
This app has a ton of potential as a liberator of thoughts and identities; however Rebecca Bettencourt, the software engineer behind the app, needs to take another stab at circumventing the FB’s rules.
Feel free to share your take on all this with me, as the time has come for me to turn on my coffee pot. It’s 6. a.m. somewhere.
